Well, it's definitely been an eventful few days. I had two friends over to visit and they certainly made an impression on the household. Having heard legendary stories of housemate Sonia's jealousy of any females that enter within a 20-mile radius of her boyfriend I had a few apprehensions about two of my friends staying in the next room. However I reckoned that we wouldn't be in the house much anyway, and seeing as they couldn't speak Italian or Albanian, opportunities to steal Marco away would be fairly limited for them.
The first night was fine, they were already in bed when we got back. My friends began to accuse me of exaggerating (they were expecting her to be waiting up with a kitchen knife), when we heard the very distinct sound from the next room of a key being turned in a lock. Marco safely locked in the bedroom away from pyjama-clad English seductresses all went quiet again and we giggled ourselves to sleep.
The next day unfortunately we didn't fare so well. Making ourselves a furtive plate of pasta in the empty house, the couple returned home. Marco, being a normal, sociable kind of chap started practicing his English with us until a screech from the other room interrupted the fledgling English lesson: "Come here, NOW". Marco scuttled off and I shushed my friends in order to hear better and translate a one-way shouting match that went something like this: "why the f**k are you trying to talk English? I'm your girlfriend. I'm Romanian. Why don't you speak Romanian with me instead of trying to speak that s****y language" etc etc. A bit later Marco returned looking a bit embarassed and put on some music. Some music that unfortunately happened to be in English, and which unfortunately my foolish friend started nodding her head to. The witch was watching and listening and the screech came again- "change this music IMMEDIATELY". Why do you suddenly want to listen to English music? Put on some Romanian music you ignorant bastard." etc etc. I swear I'm not making it up, there really does exist a woman this crazy.
We hid out on the balcony for the rest of the night with our bottle of Amaretto and drunk enough of the stuff that it seemed really funny when later on one of the friends accidentally walked in on Marci in the loo. She legged it as the shouting started and we spent the next 10 minutes having silent, painful laughing fits.
The last couple of days we managed to stay for the most part out of their way, and whenever we saw her around she studiously ignored us all. In fact she's still ignoring me despite the fact that the wanton seductresses have departed the village. I sat E down for a 'talk' last night, insisting that we move house as soon as humanly possibly, explaining that while he escaped the house every day I was consigned to being near the crazy witch with only a pair of crutches for defence. However, as luck would have it my old job phoned me today asking me to cover a few hours. I went to see them and they gave me a timetable with a non leg-wearying few hours in the afternoon and evening, with the probability of getting more when I finish the holiday cover. This means both E and I will be working hours where we can essentially avoid ever seeing the witch, and therefore there's no urgent rush to move (the low rent we pay makes it worth putting up with the odd spell being cast on us).
Oh, did I mention I've got another friend coming to stay this weekend..? Hopefully I'll make it out alive to tell you what happens next week!
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