Battle at the Bidet

I am as baffled as the next non mediterrean-born person about the many varied and exotic uses for the bidet. I'm not really that interested either, I try not to go near the thing; to me it's just a big useless hair and dust-collecting lump of white porcelain taking up unnecessary space in our tiny house. However, it has become a bit of a bone of contention between my boyfriend and I. Here's what happens every night at the precise moment that I slide myself into bed and am about to rest my head on the pillow:

Him: Have you washed your feet?
Me (rather too quickly): Yes
Him: You haven't, I know (starts moving to inspect nearest foot)
Me: (jerking my foot away and whining in tone of 5-year-old) But I don't want to wash my feet
Him: But you should (grabs foot)- look, it's black on the bottom
Me: It's just a bit of dust. Let me go to sleep for god's sake
Him: You can't go to sleep with feet like this, go and wash them in the bidet
Me: Fine, I'll do it if you let me go to bloody sleep afterwards (stomp to the bidet, insert foot and run water over it)
Him (appearing at the door): You're not doing it properly, you need to scrub them too
Me: (theatrical sigh) I can't reach, you'll have to do it (sit on toilet, cross arms in petulant manner and leave foot in bidet where he scrubs with flannel. Wonder if it is right that feet-washing has become the main source of discord in our relationship)

Is this normal behaviour for bidet pros? I am currently losing this battle at the bidet because some time ago I foolishly admitted that I was a bidet novice and this has been used as ammunation against me ever since. Because obviously only a non bidet-educated ignoramus would try to suggest that if they wanted to wash their feet of an evening they would be able to find several other sources of water in the average bathroom without having to resort to the white elephant over there in the corner.